i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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