can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
