OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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