it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
