Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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