guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
