i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
My vagina just recognized that song.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Randomize
