just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
