Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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