you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
