Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
