i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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