Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
