Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
