i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
