it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
