May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
