At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
