he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
