You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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