Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
