My sheets look like a crime scene.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
