So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
