god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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