So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
