you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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