Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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