Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
