I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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