Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
If I die, sorry about rent.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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