ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
