and you said cock pushups were impossible
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
