morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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