C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I look better un-naked...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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