If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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