I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
