What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
