and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We left the knife in your bed.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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