Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
