So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
