The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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