dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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