dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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