I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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