Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
