It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
