he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
