My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
