I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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