Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
