Where did you get a picture of my penis
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
