when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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