Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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