What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
