i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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