hell yes lets make some ravioli
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
