My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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