hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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